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failure

Submitted by hkd1155 on Sun, 2008-07-20 13:29.
Well 6 years after iI lost my job and attended SA I then thought I was strong enough to do it my self.  Go Marlboro Man is what I had my counselor tell me.  I was ok for about a year and then, just a little sneak peak would not hurt me.  That lead to the desire to do more and more.  I then started to do more than just sneaking.  I was back on line cruising for Gay sex.  I used every opportunity to I could to find time on line.  Then my dear loving wife found out what I was doing.  I told her I could do it again and get clean.  But guess what I did not do it, and once again she found out.  I am a total fool but my Loving wife kept me, but she always doubted me,  I was good, I had excuses, did things behind her back, waited till she was gone, got to where I could time it.  Damn I thought I was smart, but the underling problem was me.  JUST ME   She gives so much to me and I love her so very much that I can not begin to ever begin to undo the damage that I have done.  Well this past week she was gone again and I started my play.  I even went so far to have pictures taken of me having sex.  Well today it has come to ahead, she needed the camera and I did everything that I could to keep her from getting it.  My actions then made her suspicious and she now knows that once again I am the lying sorry human being that she has married, been with for years and stood by during all of my other failures.  Do not let this happen to you.  I am starting back to live the correct life that I owe her Please help me while I start back down this new direction in my life.  
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